The problem of splitting a bill is quite the interesting one. There are those who consider prior, those who ruminate later, and all manners of people in between — including those that do not ponder it at all.
For those of you that consider yourself to be in that final category, I must sincerely apologize.
I can understand the gnawing sense of anxiety at having been dragged into a world you were blissfully unaware of — until now.
You see: this idea, once seeded, must be seen through till the end. Seeing as you can never truly un-think it, you may as well thoroughly appraise it. Satisfy your newfound need to give it due reflection and gain new insight into yourself and how you would approach these things.
Luckily for you, you’re already in the right place!
Enter Alex, Brian, and Carol.
Alex, bless him, was the youngest at 21. He had carefully and deliberately given the issue of splitting a bill prior consideration.
You see, in Alex’s mind, Brian was the type of guy who would want to avoid losing face in front of Carol. Seeing as Brian was the eldest of our trio, Alex’s further analysis indicated that Brian would self-consciously imagine Carol to expect that he would pay for Alex. So long as Alex followed the rules of social etiquette and gave Brian no defensible claim that Alex was taking advantage of the situation, there was a clear line to eat and socialize here on someone else’s dime.
Following this a priori line of logic, Alex reasoned that he could confidently come to this social gathering without any economical difficulties for himself: Brian would pay for him.
From his position at the table, he could easily see the waiter coming with the bill and he chose to tactfully be immersed with his food at the time. After all — it wasn’t going to be his concern.
Brian, the oldest of the three at 24, had just started paying off his student loans. Unlike Alex, he had not given the matter much thought — it was only until the bill arrived and the waiter passed the check to him that he hastily transformed an outburst into a cough.
How had three people collectively eaten $100?
In truth, he had wanted dinner to involve just Carol and himself, but Carol had obliviously insisted on bringing Alex. Brian had estimated that he could afford $50 for just the two of them, and he was willing to go up to $75 (more or less) if Alex’s presence would help reassure Carol.
But now the bill was three-digits and he scanned the itemized list to understand where costs had inflated, only to realize that Alex was not quite the culprit. Indeed, drinks and extra bread had been ordered, but the perpetrator of ordering was Carol.
Now the conundrum: Though Brian had not indicated tonight was his treat, it was not discussed beforehand and he wondered if the other two expected him to carry the bill by himself.
Carol, of course, had not given it any consideration at all. Her best friend Brian had wanted them to grab dinner and drinks and she was pleasantly happy to socialize on a Friday after work. One could only be 23 for so long, and she had promised Alex a few weeks ago to hang out together now that she was busy with a new job. So why not be efficient with her free time after work?
It was her second month of work and all she wanted to do was quit. The manager was pushy, the role and responsibilities scarcely matched the job description, and she suspected that her male colleagues were making more than she was. Also, she was in a troubling power struggle with the other female colleagues over the choice of air fresheners in the female bathroom — how could all six of them be so adamant about lavender and peach blossom when crisp lime was obviously the superior option? It was all very confusing to her.
Carol downed the rest of her cocktail as the waiter arrived bearing the check. For some reason, Brian received it and was busy looking it over. Well, Brian was always the diligent type. No doubt he was ensuring that everything they had ordered was showing up on the bill correctly. Carol could always trust Brian to have her back.
But then it looked as though Brian was reaching for his wallet, and Carol leaned forward to snatch the bill from his fingers.
“The two of you have been awesome listening to me vent about work, so let me get that!”
Monadic Storytelling 