Hey you. Teen me.

It’s me. Older you. Almost 30, but not quite. A decade’s more time and experience, but I am the person you will become.

You’re about to start on a weird section of your life. Or at least, it’s going to take you to places you didn’t know you’d go and put you in situation you never thought you’d be in. You might know you don’t understand everything yet, but you don’t understand that … really. But that’s fine. I’m going to give you the best advice I can right now, things I wish others had told me when I was … well, your age.

Your experience until now will feel lacking at times, but trust in the education and preparation that you’ve gone through till now. When things feel tough, take a step back and understand that which is out of your control is nothing to worry about, and anything that is within your control is easily solvable. And if it can’t be solved, brew yourself some tea and accept it. Life goes on even when you make mistakes or get into sticky situations.

So here’s the advice I have for you:

1. Generalization and oversimplification has its uses when searching for an easy answer or to gain insight. It is important to recognize generalization and stereotypes as a first step towards understanding, but it should never be the final step. Use it as a starting point to form thought and knowledge so you can then start understanding the cases where generalization and stereotypes do not apply. I fundamentally believe that understanding cannot begin without starting from an incomplete (and possibly wrong) picture due to oversimplification. Apply this to my advice below because my advice is generalized and does not stand for all cases.
2. Be resourceful. Ask around for help. You already have the intelligence to deal with many problems — supplement it with doing reading and preparation for things beforehand, and when under pressure be sure to take your time to think things through.
3. Anytime you feel rushed, slow down and take a breather. Anytime you feel like you have enough time, ask yourself if you really do have as much time as you thought.
4. Your health is the most important thing. Videogames are fun. Anime is great. Reading books and manga is awesome. But don’t forget to sleep, don’t forget to eat healthy, and you will come to appreciate the times when your body worked as you wanted it to.
5. Don’t forget to love yourself. Take yourself out on dates, go to movies alone, eat at a restaurant by yourself — do things you want to do without waiting for others to do it with you. You will wait your life away waiting for others to hang out with you, so be comfortable doing things by yourself.
6. You are not your thoughts — merely the sole audience that hears them. When intrusive or terrible ideas and thoughts come through, let them pass but don’t hold onto them. Sort of like when you’re standing at the top of a cliff and that little voice in your head says “jump!” and you ignore it, realize that this applies to every single thing you hear in your head. The first step to mastering your life is to master your thoughts.
7. People come and go into your life. Accept this truth and make them as happy as you can while they stay, but don’t worry too much about those that leave. Sometimes they come back. Sometimes they leave for good. What you can do is cherish the bonds that do stay. When you can, find the time and courage to tell them you appreciate them.
8. Pay back all kindness three-fold. If you can’t, pay it forward. The world doesn’t do enough to recognize kindness so make sure that you do. It helps that people are more likely to be kind again to you in the future if you acknowledge it to them and show that appreciation.
9. Time will always be more important than money. Evaluate if things are worth your time. If not, use money to skip ahead.
10. It is possible to love someone without it being a good relationship. Love them still. Pursue relationships elsewhere.
11. The time to do X is always now. The time to write is always now. You will hate everything you write but you can only get better by doing. The experience of failure is worth far more than imaginative results.
12. Document as much as possible. Take notes for yourself. Our brain loves to lie and then justifies when it forgets or misunderstands and then we’re the one at fault for it. Never trust your brain with anything that you don’t write down.
13. Autopilot less. When you’re autopiloting, you’re giving up too much control. If you find yourself autopiloting, don’t sweat it but retake control immediately. Only autopilot when you genuinely do not care about the result.
14. Eat for quality not for quantity. Also, take the time to learn to cook basic things.
15. Recognize when to walk away from disagreements and arguments. Reason only works on people who use it as a basis; logic does not work on people who arrived at a conclusion based on feelings or “alternative facts” and opinions. Your time is far more important than being right, unless being right is somehow going to be important later.
16. Never respond with emotions. If you’re emotional, you’re autopiloting. If you’re currently emotional, let it pass through or acknowledge it to those that need to know and take the time to regain control. Emotions never accomplish anything.
17. Don’t romanticize relationships. Put anyone on a pedestal and you lower your ability to have a quality relationship with them or worse — you become unable to see the red flags.
18. Go where you are appreciated. Never stay where you aren’t. This applies to your relationship with people too.
19. Your first attempt at writing a book will not succeed. Nor your second. Nor your third. Don’t quit. Each failure teaches you something valuable. Learn how you write. Learn how you create. Then design around the path of least resistance for yourself. Also this advice applies to everything you do.
20. Stay curious and learn. But also ask yourself if what you’re being taught is objectively correct or relatively correct. Does it benefit some institution or other power struggle for certain knowledge or “facts” to be distributed?
21. Surround yourself with people that are better than you and learn from them. The need to be original is stupid. The fastest way to be original is to speed-run the trails that others have already blazed so you can encounter uncharted territory, and the only way to do that is to follow the steps of others.
22. Information is power. When it comes to information, it’s all about quality, accuracy, and speed. Understand that the most valuable thing in the world is information about the future. Work from there and then go downwards.
23. Re-read Sun Tzu’s The Art of War every year, then apply it to the problem you’re currently facing. In fact, if you’re having a problem, just read The Art of War and apply it. Any problem can be solved with a calm mind tackling it with the right process.
24. The world isn’t built upon kindness, but that doesn’t mean you can’t inject a bit of yours into it.
25. Accept that others will have advantages you don’t have. Never forget the advantages you have compared to others. You may share what you can, but don’t expect the same from others.
26. Those that mind won’t matter and those that matter won’t mind. Use this to understand who you should keep in close confidence.
27. Outside of close friends and family, society and people only care about what you can do or provide them. This includes lovers. Never forget that your perceived value is only as high as your abilities or resources others can use. Of course, your actual value is something only you and those who truly understand you will understand. Don’t make the mistake of thinking that everyone else owes it to you to understand your value. They’re too busy dealing with their own problems, and their only question is: “are you going to help me or are you going to be a new problem?”
28. If you don’t have an exit plan for any situation, you will find yourself stuck in situations you don’t like — this applies to social gatherings, investments, relocation, jobs, and even marriage.
29. Learn to sell, learn to market — including being able to market and sell yourself and your own ideas. The best product in the world is worth nothing if it has a terrible marketing strategy. The best marketer and salesperson in the world can sell absolute shit, and this happens more often than you like.
30. Before you argue, ask yourself if you’re ready to defend this position. Before you argue, ask the other party if their mind can be changed and what it would take to change it. No point getting into a fight with no established goal in mind.
31. Every person you meet is fighting their own personal battles. Be understanding, but don’t get dragged into it unless you’re prepared to see it through. Don’t get into any situation without having a plan for getting out of it. You can help people, but don’t commit to helping them any more than they are willing to commit themselves. Bears repeating: Don’t get into any situation without having a plan for getting out of it.
32. Don’t waste time on “friends” that don’t add value or happiness to your life. For the friends that do add value and happiness to your life, don’t take them for granted.
33. The best lies are wrapped in nothing but the truth. The worst truths are those you desperately want to be false.
34. If you wouldn’t do the same thing for someone who is less attractive, don’t do it.
35. Understand that there is and will always be only one enduring fight in human society: “those that have” vs “those that do not.” You might have just enough to survive, but the vast majority of society belongs to “those that do not.” Remember that it’s in the interest of the “haves” to get you squabbling within your own group. Recognize when you’re fighting a battle for someone who doesn’t care for you.
36. Work acquaintances are just work acquaintances. None of them are your friends until proven otherwise. All of them are there to make a paycheck or further their own career — even if it means sacrificing yours.
37. Loyalty at work means nothing since that’s not going to be part of your pay. If another place offers better, go for it immediately. Unless you get paid for being loyal, don’t be.
38. Politics affects everyone. Only the privileged that aren’t negatively affected will ever believe politics doesn’t matter or is unimportant. Recognize these people for their privileged and/or ignorant status and adjust your approach to them accordingly.
39. Trust, but verify. If you haven’t verified it, can you truly trust it? Apply this particularly to people you trust because those are the only people that can take advantage of it.
40. Logical arguments don’t work on emotional people. Address the emotions and walk someone to a logical state where they are then receptive to your logic. Do this and you will make and keep friends who aren’t as likely to resent you for being right.
41. Be the first to admit fault and accept responsibility for lapses of judgment or logic. It is fine to be wrong; that’s how you improve. You’ll only regret looking dumb for not accepting it later.
42. Never let another person’s achievements and timeline make you feel like you’re being left behind. It’s your life. Comparison is the thief of joy.
43. Constructive discourse is hard. It’s hard to maintain, it’s hard to uphold, it’s hard to keep around. But good communication is the fundamental basis of a human society and sometimes the community forgets that. You will at times find yourself sticking your neck out on the hill of maintaining good discourse. Learn from it. Avoid letting it get to that point if possible.
44. Love is hard and love is work. Small annoyances become big ones once you’re past that period of limerence. Be willing to put in work to keep a relationship going, but also recognize when the other person isn’t putting an equal amount and be ready to talk about it.
45. Negotiation is finding out what the other party wants and giving it to them on your terms.
46. Have a habit of looking around when you are in the moment and realizing that “this is a good moment.” Say it out loud and share it with those around you so you can help them realize it too.
47. You aren’t obligated to love anyone, so rescind those feelings when it’s unappreciated. On the flip side, no one is obligated to love you, so don’t be surprised when that disappears.
48. The best thing anyone can do for you is tell you where you are lacking and give you honest feedback on how to improve. The worst thing anyone can do to you is let you continue to be wrong because it takes them no effort. Take solace in the fact that if someone goes out of their way to make your life worse, they had to put in effort for that result.
49. Anyone that rushes you to make a decision probably has something to gain from it. Never fall prey to the fear of missing out FOMO. If it’s truly that good and the window of opportunity is only open for so long, why are they busy telling you about it?
50. Group-think is bad. Don’t align yourself with a side and then not think critically about it. If you can’t find anything to disagree with when it comes to your own camp, that camp is using you and you are unable to think critically about the stance you are defending. There is no such thing as a group you “wholly” agree with because where there’s three, two will disagree.
51. If you’re finding that everyone disagrees with you, check to see if you are wrong. If you’re finding that everyone agrees with you, check to see if you’re surrounded by those you want agreeing with you.
52. You often hear “Action speaks louder than words.” Another way to see it is: what is this person willing to sacrifice…personally? People often say the right things until it comes for them to lose something themselves. “Selfish” is baked in because it’s fundamental to survival — very few people are truly altruistic or will do things that don’t benefit them somehow. If it’s too good to be true: Who benefits? Apply this to people, yourself, politicians, coworkers, bosses…etc.
53. Consistency is the secret to success. Being consistently “good enough” is both within your control and achievable in the long run. Aiming for “doing your best” all the time is unsustainable without burnout, and aiming for “huge success” requires too much luck. Focus on being consistently good and that is truly “doing your best.”
54. As a general rule of thumb try everything twice, and in different circumstances (or mindset). If you ever find yourself saying “No, I’m not going to do/try that” without having any prior experience of it, understand that it is a result of cognitive bias. It might not be a bias that hurts someone, but understand that you are directly limiting your own life experiences this way. This doesn’t apply to potentially dangerous/dumb activities.
55. If you make a mistake and do not learn from it, you have already made a second mistake. If you succeed at something and do not understand how to replicate it again, that success is not wholly yours.
56. You often hear “jack of all trades, master of none” but the general interpretation of that is “learn one thing and master it.” This is a huge disservice to yourself if you apply a filter that becomes “if it’s not my specialty, I don’t really care.” Instead, become a “jack of all trades, master of one.” You will find that ideas and practices from other areas of specialty can be applied creatively in your main specialty, and this is the best way to push originality.
57. Newton’s 3 Laws of Motion can also be applied to people, organizations, society…and almost anything else you think of.
    Law 1: People and society hate change unless you force it.
    Law 2: The effort necessary to increase rate of change increases exponentially according to the size. Law 3: For every act of change, there’s an equal and opposite act of stubbornness.
58. Learn to view things through different lens and disciplines. If something/someone takes actions that do not make sense, you aren’t viewing it through a lens that makes sense of it. The best defaults are: politically, who benefits? Economically, who benefits? Cui bono?
59. Understand that people often have common fundamental values but different thought processes. The road to hell is paved with good intentions yadda yadda, but understand what happened. People want to believe themselves fundamentally “good” and use that to justify their actions. If you recognize someone has a common fundamental value as you do, work from there and go back. If you recognize someone has different fundamental value as you, you are probably arguing very different things with no end result.
60. Being poor is expensive in the long run, so understand when you are making a decision that isn’t future-facing. This can mean buying mediocre quality for half price when the superior quality at double price lasts five times as long. Are you paying to be cheap now and making it expensive in the future? There is nothing wrong with this when your immediate goal is to survive the now, but when you can, make forward-facing decisions.
61. Understand your own decision-making process and take full control of it. Develop a sense of “I am currently making a decision.” View your brain as a tool to be modified and adjusted, not as yourself. Your brain falls under Newton’s first law too: it won’t make any substantial updates or changes to itself without you forcing it to do so.
62. Recognize when you’re trying to accomplish something through sheer effort instead of efficiency. Sheer effort will result in burnout and inferior quality. But also, when efficiency cannot be found, having something done is always better than nothing done.
63. If you can’t play a strong devil’s advocate you don’t truly understand the opposing viewpoint, and by default, you also don’t really understand the topic being debated. If you can’t summarize the opposing viewpoint in a way that is satisfactory to the other side, spend time to get that right first.
64. Push boundaries. You must risk being wrong in order to understand the limitations of being right. Instead of asking “Can I do this?” also start asking “What’s stopping me from doing this?” The world isn’t in the habit of giving you permission to change it. See Newton’s First and Third Law.
65. Take the time to teach others subjects and topics you think you understand. The process will reveal to you your own weak points. If you can’t explain it in a simple manner, you don’t understand it. By teaching others, you are also teaching yourself.
66. Start with the “Why?”
    Why did X do Y?
    Why do we need to accomplish this?
    Why is this relevant?
    Why are you here?
    Why should they listen and care?
    Why is something done a certain way?
    Why did that happen?
67. Humans didn’t evolve to see so many beautiful/handsome people or hear about so many successful people in one lifetime. Develop and internalize a strong understanding of how that skews your perspective of yourself and those around you.
68. Do things at scale. Understand how doing one thing can accomplish multiple objectives. It helps if you also set out with objectives in mind. Aim at nothing and you shall hit nothing.
69. Always good.
70. Don’t let a temporary setback become a cascading setback. Your day has four segments: morning, noon, afternoon, and evening. If a segment is ruined, reset and start the next segment with a fresh mindset. This also applies to your week, your month, and your year.
71. You can make the best moves, play all your cards right, and still fail. It didn’t mean you were a failure, but that the circumstances weren’t conducive to your success. But also, never use this as an excuse, only an understanding that you need to get better at evaluating circumstance.
72. Making the first move gives you the power, so use it accordingly. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that “respecting other people’s ability to choose” means that they will actively use it. Open-ended options puts the onus on the other person to make a decision, which leaves you at risk of waiting on someone who might be indecisive. Make the decision for them and then offer them a choice — the more limitations you give people the more likely they are going to respond, and you can always open it up if they feel too restricted by the limitations you set. Apply this to work, people, etc.
73. Listen to music enough to hear it but not destroy your ears. Tinnitus ruins hearing permanently and it cannot be cured. Limit the amount of time you wear earbuds and headsets. Wear earplugs to loud places like clubs and concerts, it doesn’t ruin the experience. Once your hearing gets worse it never gets better.
74. Get anti-blue light glasses. Research is mixed on whether it damages the eyes, but it definitely negatively affects your sleep cycle and contributes to eye strain. Until they can fix eyes, remember you only have one pair.
75. “He who understands compound interest, earns it; he who doesn’t, pays for it.” Just invest early looking for dividends. Consistent dividends and growth is better than a quick payday. Apply this to your time too — invest your time in things that will pay dividends like health, learning new things, etc.
76. There’s three ways to success: be first, be smarter, or cheat. Accept that others will cheat. If you are smart and you understand first move advantage, you have nothing to worry about.
77. There’s no winning in drama. Ask yourself if the results will genuinely affect your life. If not, don’t engage in drama. Limit contact with people who seem to constantly be engaged in drama or risk getting dragged in.
78. Try to do at least one thing that is new or pulls you out of your comfort zone every week. Say yes to that invitation. Break your own routine. In 1 year, that’s 52 new experiences under your belt. At least several of those might be things you end up liking.
79. Tell people you love them. Family, friends, lovers — tell them all. Show them too. But more importantly, make it clear with words. It doesn’t need to be reciprocated either. Love is most beautiful when it’s in the moment. They’ll tell you (or show you) when they’re ready. Just don’t hold it in and regret it when you can no longer tell them.
80. To know where you will be, look at who you surround yourself with. There is no winning with keeping low quality friends and acquaintances that are also not constantly improving themselves. They will drag you into their problems or bad habits and burden you with them. Have a good sense of evaluating if the people you keep are elevating you or providing you joy. Remember: old friends are the same thing as new friends but with history and that’s it — what truly makes the bond worthwhile if you’re only staying for the memories?
81. “Do you need me to listen to you vent or do you want advice?” Use this when someone seems emotionally distressed. Don’t give unsolicited advice.
82. If you forgive someone, don’t make the mistake of forgetting it happened. Evaluate if they will change. Take the step to ensure they change if you truly want to keep them in your life, and future you will have a happier time with them.
83. When you want to make a change in your life but are incapable of the discipline necessary to do so, choose it as a theme instead of as a hard decision. As an example, if you want to get healthier make that a theme going forward instead of counting calories, watching what you eat, and setting up an exercise routine. When your theme guides you, you will gradually start making small changes such as not eating that last snack, taking a walk instead of driving, and drinking diet instead of normal. To be successful, make “consistency” achievable.
84. Understand that language directly influences your formed thought. There’s just no way around it. There is a strong advantage in being bilingual because you can form thoughts in two very different languages with different cultures. When analyzing something, rephrase it in another language if you’re having difficulty disentangling yourself from pre-formed thought.
85. Take breaks and truly rest. If you mess up twice don’t dig yourself deeper. Reset. Recognize tilt or fatigue and address it. You do yourself a disservice by trying to accomplish things when you aren’t functioning at your best, mentally, physically, or emotionally.
86. Improvement is a process of disproving your theories and beliefs. Formulate questions, come to answers, then iterate upon those answers. The longer an answer can survive your own disproving, the more confidence you will have in that answer and belief — the more you will have faith in yourself.
87. A lot of things that will happen to you (or have already happened to you) are not your fault. That being said, it is still your responsibility to overcome it and not let the world hold you down.
88. Some people want you to open up but they want that with the expectation that you are full of positivity. If you want to see if someone cares, ask them if they’re prepared to deal with your negativity — then show them.
89. Humans in general are resistant to change. For them it means work, unfamiliarity, and adaptation. A person that has grown accustomed to a terrible environment will fight you tooth and nail if you try to make it better for them. Apply this to society, individuals, relationships, politics, etc.
90. The more you achieve, the more people will want to be your “friend” when all they want to do is use you. Either develop a good sense for avoiding it or accept that it happens and treat it as doing charity work for the needy.
91. The road to sadness is aptly named High Expectations. Chart your emotions as a graph: if you start up high it’s harder to go up even further, but it’s very easy to slide down. Learn to set Low Expectations so life can give you pleasant surprises.
92. This is a bit generalizing (remember #1, and our thoughts on this will probably change over time), but right now I suspect there is a reason why women and men enjoy romantic stories differently: our roles are fundamentally different. When it comes to love, women have a passive role while men have an active one.
93. Society and fundamental biology is the cause (not really a blame game here) of these gendered roles, but the matter of fact is that you as a man will be expected to lead a relationship and take the active approach when it comes to love. A woman knows she is loved when a man does something for her and therein lies her romantic fantasy. A man’s romantic fantasy is when he is loved by a woman with no expectation that he does something for her.
94. When a woman says she takes the active approach, it might not be what a man would do. Instead, she takes an active approach to signal to the man that she is available for pursuit. It is your duty as a man to understand the nuance because the onus to act is still on you — she signals interest in romance and allows you to run the logistics.
95. If you can find a woman who actively pursues by acting first and the script is reversed, don’t let the shock disrupt you from the romance being offered to you. We’re talking she runs the logistics and doesn’t make you do all the heavy lifting. (But also, check to see if she’s just trying to get married)
96. A man knows he is loved when he can finally let go of the crank he continually turns day after day in order to earn love and, even if only for a moment, it turns by itself to nourish him in return, that is when he will know he is loved. Ultimately, as men we will want to be loved for who we are, not what we do to earn love. When you find someone whose love for you is not earned, but given freely — you will know what it means to be loved.
97. Here’s the revelation: we don’t need to adhere to these traditional gender roles. We can transcend them (but also, there are couples that are perfectly happy with these gender roles). But the nature of humanity comes back into play: it’s hard to us change. This is even harder in love and romance because changing yourself is one thing, but getting another person to change with you? It’s tough because you are asking another person to defy gender roles with you by actively abandoning her preconceived notions of romance (the one society stuffs down our throats). I’m sure it happens for many relationships out there, but they are the exception to the rule (remember, we’re generalizing here, none of this applies to couples that figured it out). Remember to set your expectations low so you aren’t disappointed if it doesn’t happen to you.
98. Growing up is a process of compromise with yourself. The world and society will not love you if you believe you shouldn’t have to do anything or change anything about yourself. Stories are just stories and the bitter truth of reality will force you to mature. The faster you acknowledge this, the earlier you will begin the process of honing yourself and shaping who you are into the person society will accept, the man that women will choose. Understand that this growth is not a betrayal of who you are, but a newfound understanding and drive to become who you want to be. Remember, change is hard and even you will fight, beg, and negotiate with reality for every excuse to avoid it.
99. Be well aware of what can be used against you and take steps to limit yourself from that sort of fallout, but also accept that you are a person that is constantly growing. Inevitably, things you did or said in the past will come back to bite you. Accept it and ask if you’ve changed, but under no circumstances let someone else hang it over your head unless you recognize that change is necessary but have no intrinsic motivation to do so.
100. Learn to forgive yourself. People start off as one of two types: those who blame others and those who blame themselves. You are the latter because you are your own harshest critic. Elevate yourself from blame with a different question: who’s responsibility is it for fixing this? Those that blame others do it to shift responsibility, and those that blame themselves can feel crushed by the weight of that responsibility. Have a good balanced understanding of how responsibility is shared, and then focus on what you can do to improve.

Apply the above liberally but also apply them with some thought. Edge cases will always exist, but use your guiding principles to stay true to who you want to be. Live strong and make decisions such that you won’t be embarrassed about them.

When all feels lost, remember: At the end of the day, you’ll still like ice cream.