Every relationship should prepare for the hard times when they’re in the good times.

I think that once a relationship is established, we should write letters to each other, and to our future selves. The letters should then be sealed and opened if it ever feels as though everything is over.

Letter 1:

This letter is written to future-them.

Imagine you had an argument with them. It might be hard while the times are good, but let’s say you had an argument. It can be something trivial. It can be something big. It can be something fundamental. If you think you know them a lot, try to imagine where you would get into a fight and address it.

What do you want to tell them in that letter? I understand it’s hard to take accountability for something fictional. It might be your fault — it might be their fault — it might be no one’s fault. But an argument has happened and their feelings are probably hurt, they’re feeling unheard, and future-you aren’t in the mood to talk to them. Help future-you tell them what you think they need to hear from you.

Letter 2:

This letter is written to future-you.

Right now, everything’s good and you’re hopefully writing this letter feeling all the good stuff about the relationship. They’re wonderful. They’re awesome. They’re amazing. Your eyes are irresistibly drawn to their beautiful smile and you perk up at the sound of their voice. But after the inevitable argument, only the feelings in the moment matter. Frustration and emotions are abound and tensions are so high it’s impossible for future-you to think that things can ever go back to how they were.

Future-you right now is feeling hurt, unheard, and probably wondering if the relationship is worth salvaging. What do they need to hear? What do you feel right now that you truly want to remind future-you? What do you hope future-you is like? Do you think future-you probably did something wrong, and they should apologize? Do you think it’s probably future-them that’s going to be in the wrong? If so, how do you recommend future-you proceed?

Seal it up

Once the letters are written, seal them up. Put them in a small box. Add anything else you think might help for when you need to open these letters. Seal that up, and write on top: In case of argument, break seal.

Put that box somewhere safe. Remember about it. Whenever an argument happens or emotions get tense, have a discussion to determine if it’s time to open that box.

Prepare for the hard times during the good times, so you can get over the hard times.